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BAHASA MELAYU

"Curang". Acap kali perkataan itu mengguris hatiku bila saat aku dalam kehangatan cinta dan kasih bersama bekas kekasih-kekasihku dulu. Sangat mengecewakan selepas aku tumpahkan segala kasih sayang ku yang tidak berbelah-bahagi kepada mereka, namun hakikatnya mereka hanya mensia-siakan harapanku dan memasang madu lain di belakangku. Apakah salahku mencintainya sepenuh hatiku? Adakah tubuh aku tidak seperti yang mereka harapkan? Apabila diingat semula kisah silam itu, hatiku membuak-buak rasa geram bercampur hampa dan kecewa. Sejak dari itu, aku menutup rapat sanubariku untuk menerima sesiapa lagi. "Tiada sesiapa lagi yang aku boleh percaya selepas ini, semuanya hanya bercinta monyet sahaja", bisikku di dalam hati.

Tersentak dari lamunanku bila beberapa bunyi ketukan dari pintu bilikku. Dengan kemalasan, aku bangkit dari baring lalu membukanya. Ternyata yang mengetuk itu Si Hakim, rakan sekelasku. Kedatangannya seperti kuduga, pasti mahu menanyakan tugasan-tugasan yang diberikan oleh pensyarah kami. Setelah itu, dia juga meminta tolong aku untuk bantunya merakam video untuk tugasan kelabnya itu. Aku pun setuju je, alang-alang tengah bosan di dalam bilik, hujung minggu lagi tu. Sedang aku merakam dia bercakap, boleh pula dia duduk mengangkang berdepanan dengan katil aku. Mentang-mentanglah video itu dirakam hanya separas dadanya sahaja, saja-saja la tu. Hilang fokus aku bila dia macam tu. Sudahlah terpampang bonjolan yang agak besar di celah kangkangnya itu. Aku pun ape lagi, sengaja aku tinggikan fon itu separas mataku supaya dia tidak perasan yang aku mengintai bonjolannya itu. Selesai merakam, dia pun beransur pergi ke biliknya. Bayangan bonjolan itu masih lagi melekat di fikiranku. Puas dan beruntung jugalah aku dapat mencuci mata ke arah bawahannya itu.

Pada malamnya, seperti biasa aku lepak di dalam bilik, mengisi perutku dengan makan malam sambil layan filem di komputer riba seusai sembahyang Isyak di surau kolej tadi. Seusai filem itu tamat, aku pon membaringkan diri di atas katil sambil meleret-leret telefonku, melayari aplikasi Facebook (FB). Tidak lama selepas itu, pemberitahuan FB muncul untuk memaklumkan padaku bahawa seseorang telah meminta untuk menjadi rakanku. Lalu, aku pun melihatnya. Terpampang namanya, Eli, di samping gambar profilnya, bersosok tubuh yang "slim fit" segak bergaya, berpakaian baju sejuk berwarna biru, berkemeja merah jambu dan berseluar hitam sambil menyandar pada pagar kayu putih, berlatarbelakangkan bukit-bukau dan tumbuhan menghijau. Sekali pandang sahaja, terserlah kecomelan yang ada pada dirinya. Aku pun melawati akaun FBnya itu dan terpampang beberapa siaran swagambar dirinya dan apa yang aku fikirkan semuanya benar belaka. Namun, tidak terdetik pun untuk aku menjadikannya lebih dari hanya seorang kawanku pada waktu itu. Pengalaman cinta silamku masih lagi menghantui fikiranku. Setelah itu, aku pun menerima permintaanya itu. Tak lama lepas tu, dia pun menghantar mesej kepadaku, "Terima kasih bro". "Sama-sama bro", balasku. Kami pun mulalah berborak-borak biasa sebagai kenalan baru, bertanya khabar, berkongsi maklumat diri dan bergurau-senda.

Tak sah kalau sehari kita orang tidak berborak sama. Lama-kelamaan, aku pun terasa senang berbual dengannya walaupun hanya sekadar di alam maya sahaja. Bukan itu sahaja, makin lama aku juga perasan perbualan kita orang semakin bercampur dengan kenakalan. Dalam rancak bergurau-senda, tiba-tiba dia membalas "cubit puting kang". Inilah balasan nakal pertamanya padaku. "Lain macam gurauan dia ni", bisikku di dalam hati. Beberapa kali juga dia bergurau begitu. Pada suatu hari, tanpa berfikir panjang aku pun tanya padanya "El minat puting ya?". Agak lambat juga dia membalasnya, selang beberapa minit kemudian dia pun membalas "kenapa awak cakap macam tu, maaf awak sebab cakap macam tu. Lepas ni, El dah tak cakap macam tu lagi dengan awak". Alahai dia ni, aku cuma bertanya je. Rasa bersalah pula aku tanya macam itu. "Eh, tak ada apa-apalah El, tak payah minta maaf. Saya cuma tanya je.", balasku. "El gurau macam tu sebab gambar profil awak tu, nampak bonjolan puting dekat baju tu", katanya. Aku pun tersenyum, ya lah memang betul pun jelas kelihatan puting di sebalik baju aku itu. Dia juga kerap kali meminta maaf selepas itu, risaunya kalau-kalau aku tidak mahu berkawan dengannya lagi. Kerap kali jugalah aku berkata padanya untuk tenang sahaja. Bagiku, itu hanyalah perkara remeh sahaja. Tiada apa yang perlu dirisaukan olehnya. Bermula dari situlah dia sedikit sebanyak berkongsikan minatnya. Dia berjujur padaku yang minat seksualnya adalah pada puting. Malah, dia lebih tertarik pada bahagian perut, apatah lagi kalau perut itu sedikit buncit berbanding puting. "Tapi El lebih suka tengok perut awak tu lagi, nampak sesuai dengan awak", katanya lagi. Aku mula berasa berasa curiga dengan kesukaan seksualnya. Dengan perasaan risau, dia mula berkongsi pengalamannya denganku yang dia sebelum ini pernah ada abang angkat sewaktu dia masih belajar di universiti Pulau Mutiara itu. Katanya, badan aku ini sama seperti abang angkatnya itu. Dia selalu memeluknya di bilik apabila balik dari kuliah. "Badan awak ingatkan saya pada abang angkat saya itu", katanya lagi. "Sekarang abang awak tu dekat mana?", tanyaku. "Dia dah tiada, awak. Kemalangan masa nak pergi kerja, awal tahun ni.", balasnya. Rasa gembiraku bertukar simpati apabila mengetahuinya. Aku pun minta maaf kerana tanya macam tu. Dia okay sahaja, malah dia juga menghantar permintaan rakan itu supaya boleh melepaskan rindunya pada dia. "Abang El tu selalu usap-usap kepala El bila dipeluk, macam budak kecik, haha", luahnya. Bukan setakat comel, malah manja sungguh Si Eli ni. "Memang tak regang la sapa yang dapat dia ni.", bisikku dalam hati. "Kalau awak lagi tua, dah lama El panggil abang, haha", guraunya. Hahaha tersenyumku sendiri, jarang ada orang nak panggil aku abang, ya lah melihat saja tubuhku, pasti mereka ingat aku budak lagi.

Tidak lama selepas itu dia tuju soalan padaku "Boleh tak kalau El nak peluk awak nanti macam El peluk arwah abang angkat tu? Maaflah sebab El tanya macam ni.". Walaupun aku dapat menduga seperti apa Si Eli itu, namun pertanyaan ini masih lagi memeranjatkan aku. Malah, entah kenapalah aku menolak permintaan itu. Mungkin kisah silam aku masih menghantui fikiran aku sehingga berbuat sedemikian. Dia juga menerimanya dengan baik, malah seperti biasa bertubi-tubi meminta maaf padaku. Comel betul. "Alah El, tak payah minta maaf, saya dah biasa dah. Ramai je kawan-kawan saya gurau macam tu.", balasku. "Badan awak mantap, memang kawan-kawan awak sukalah dapat pegang dada, perut, bontot awak tu", Eli membalas. Entah apalah yang mantap pasal badan aku ni, buncit ada lah. Penuh lemak sana sini. Tapi, Eli masih lagi memuji-muji tubuh ku. Katanya bentuk tubuhku masih lagi agak "fit" walaupun perut ke depan sedikit. Kembang-kempis lah hidungku dipuji sebegitu. Bercerita pasal badan, dia pun membuka cerita tentang pengalamannya sewaktu di universiti dulu. Ramai kawan-kawan dan juga abang-abang di situ suka bergurau dengannya. Malah, ada juga yang sering memeluknya disebabkan tubuhnya yang kecik seperti budak itu. "Badan awak kecil macam mana itu?, tanyaku memintas dia yang sedang bercerita. "151cm je awak", balasnya. Terkejut juga aku, tidak pernah lagi aku jumpa orang yang hampir setinggi dengan aku. Malah, dari gambar di profilnya juga kelihatan tinggi. Dia juga terkejut apabila aku beritahu tentang ketinggian aku. Seperti aku, dia ingat aku tinggi berdasarkan gambar di profil aku. Apabila ditanya pasal berat badan pula, eh sama juga. "Seperti jodoh pula kita ni, haha", fikirku. Punyalah rancak berborak nakal sesama sendiri sampai tidak perasan sudah lewat malam. Maka, masing-masing pun mengundurkan diri setelah mengucapkan selamat malam.

M.N.A_97

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ENGLISH

"Cheating". Many times those words hurt my heart when I was in the warmth of love and affection with my ex-lovers. It's very disappointing after I poured out all my undivided love to them, but the fact is they just wasted my hopes and get another "honey' behind my back. Is it my fault to love them with all my heart? Is my body not what they expect? When I remember the experience of the past, my heart fills with anger mixed with emptiness and disappointment. From then on, I closed my heart tightly to accept anyone else. "There is no one else I can trust after this, everyone just do not wanna the true love", I whispered in my heart.

I was waking up of my reverie when there was a knock on the door of my room. I got up from bed and opened it. It turned out that the one who knocked was Hakim, my classmate. His arrival was as expected, he must want to ask about the assignments given by our lecturer. After that, he also asked me to help him record a video for his club assignment. I agree, I'm bored in the room, besides, it's weekend. While I'm recording him talking, he also sit with legs wide open, facing my bed. The video was filmed only at chest level, that's all. I lose focus when he is sitting like that. There is already a large bulge in his crotch. I purposely raised the phone to my eye level so that he wouldn't notice that I was staring at his bulge. After recording, he gradually went to his room. The image of the bulge is still stuck in my mind. Its very lucky and fortunate that I was able see bulging cock dan balls.

At night, as usual, I hung out in the room, eating dinner while watching a movie on the laptop after Isyak prayer at the college mosque earlier. After the movie ended, I lay down on the bed while swiping my phone, surfing the Facebook (FB) application. Soon after, a FB notification popped up to inform me that someone had requested to be my friend. Then, I saw it. His name was displayed, Eli, next to his profile picture, with a stylish "slim fit" body, dressed in a blue sweater, pink shirt and black pants while leaning against a white wooden fence, with the background of hills and green forests. Just one look, the cuteness in him atrracted me. I also stalked his FB account and saw several posts of his selfies and what I thought was all true. However, it didn't even occur to me to make him more than just a friend at that time. My past love experience still haunts my mind. After that, I accepted his request. Not long after that, he sent me a message, "Thank you bro". "You are welcome, bro", I replied. We started chatting as new acquaintances, saying hello, sharing personal information and joking around.

It's felt something gone wrong when we don't talk to each other for a day. Over time, I felt comfortable chatting with him even if it was just in the virtual world. Not only that, the longer I've been going, the more I've noticed that our conversations are getting mixed up with quite naughty. In the middle of joking around, he suddenly replied "Pinch your nipples". This is his first naughty reply to me. "His just joking", I whispered in my heart. Several times he joked like that. One day, without thinking too much, I asked him "You like nipple huh?" He replied a bit late, after a few minutes he replied "Why did you say that? I'm sorry for saying that. After this, El won't say that to you anymore". I'm just asking. I feel guilty asking that. "Eh, it's nothing El, there's no need to apologize. I'm just asking.", I replied. "I'm joking like that because in your profile picture, I can see the bulge of the nipple on the shirt", he said. I also smiled, yes, it's true, I can clearly see the nipples behind my shirt. He also often apologized after that, he was worried that I wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore. I often told him to calm down. To me, that's just a trivial thing. He had nothing to worry about. Starting from there he shared his interest to some extent. He was honest with me that his sexual interest was on nipples. In fact, he is more attracted to the stomach, especially the beer belly compared to the nipples. "But El prefers the look of your stomach now, it looks good on you", he said again. I began to feel suspicious of his sexual preferences. Then, he began to share his experience with me about that he had previously had an adopted brother when he was still studying at the Penang university. He said, my body just like his adopted brother. He always hugs him in the room when he comes back from college. "Your body reminds me of my adopted brother", he said again. "Where is your brother now?", I asked. "He's gone, you. Involved in an accident when going to work, early this year.", he replied. My happiness turned to sympathy when I found out. I'm sorry for asking like that. He sais that he is okay, he even sent the friend request so he could let go of his miss for him. "El's brother always rubs El's head when he hugs me, like a little boy, haha", he said. Not only cute, this Eli is really spoiled like a baby. "Such a lucky for those who gets him.", I whispered in my heart. "If you were older than me, El would have called you brother, haha", he joked. I smile to myself, rarely do people call me brother, well, just look at my body, they must thought I'm a little boy.

Not long after that he asked me a question "Is it okay if El wants to hug you later like El hugs my late adopted brother? I'm sorry that El asked like this.". Although I can guess what Eli is like, but this question still surprises me. In fact, for some reason I refused the request. Maybe the story of my past still haunts my mind to do so. He also accepted it well, even apologized to me as usual. Really cute. "Oh El, there's no need to apologize, I'm used to it. Many of my friends joke like that.", I replied. "Your body is strong, your friends must be like to hold your chest, stomach, butt", Eli replied. I don't know what's good about my body, it's just chubby. Full of fat here and there. But, Eli is still praising my body. He said my body shape is still quite "fit" even though my stomach is slightly forward. Talking about my body, he also opened up about his experiences while at university. Many friends and even the seniors there like to joke with him. In fact, some often hug him due to his small body like the boy. "How small is your body?, I asked, interrupting his talking. "I am only 151cm", he replied. I was also surprised, I've never met someone nearly as tall as me. In fact, from the picture on his profile, he also looks tall. He was also surprised when I told him about my height. Like me, he thought I was tall based on the picture on my profile. When asked about my weight, it was the same. "We're match like a couple, haha", I thought. Have a naughty chat each other until we didn't notice it was late at night, so each of us end our chat after saying good night.

M.N.A_97