Bunga Cinta Mulai Berputik

BAHASA MELAYU

Berbulan-bulan lamanya kita orang saling berborak di laman mesej Facebook itu. Gurau-senda, perkhabaran semasa dan banyak lagilah topik-topik perbualan yang kita orang kongsi bersama. Terasa kami lebih rapat berbanding mula-mula kami berkenalan. Malah, perbualan juga semakin rancak nakalnya. "Tentiu, my bear 😍", balasnya yang juga mula memanggilku dengan gelaran manja "bear". Aku pun okay sahaja dengan panggilan itu, seperti sesuai dengan tubuhku yang agak besar itu. "Pagi, bear. Tengah buat apa tu?", Sapanya di pagi hari ini. "Pagi awak, tengah baring-baring je", balasku. "Nak baring sekali lah, hihi". "Meh sini baring". "Okay, nak baring sebelah bear 😂😂😂". " Jaga-jaga, nanti kena ngap dengan bear, haha". " Amboi bear, bukan main". Itulah gelagat kita orang bila berborak. Nakal-nakal jangan cakap lah, memang benda wajib untuk selit dalam perbualan. Kadang-kadang nakalnya dia ada yang minta untuk baring atas peha, ada juga nak usap-usap perutku yang agak buncit itu. "Bear jangan risau, meow tak akan sentuh yang bawah tu", sempat juga dia bergurau dalam nakal-nakalnya. Aku pun tidaklah risau. Sudah aku tahu dia seperti itu. Dia juga mulai menggelarkan panggilan dirinya sebagai "meow". Perangainya memang terserlah manja. Sepertinya, aku juga berasa seronok melayani nakalnya walaupun sekadar di atas talian sahaja.

Ada satu hari itu, dalam seronok dia bernakalan dengan ku, terlintas difikiranku untuk bertanya padanya. "Maaf, boleh bear tanya meow". "Tanyalah", balasnya. "Meow ni gay ke?". "Meow bisexual, maaf bear. Bear normalkan?". "Bear biasa je", jawabku dalam teragak-agak walaupun aku tahu yang aku pun sepertinya juga. Berkali-kali juha dia meminta maaf kerana sikapnya itu pada aku. Dia risau kalau aku sudah tidak mahu berkawan dengannya lagi pabila aku tahu mengenai seksualitinya. Aku pun menenangkannya supaya usah risau tentang itu kerana aku okay sahaja dengannya. Dia juga meluahkan dia amat minat dengan perutku, malah dia teringin nak peluk aku. Aku pun kata padannya boleh sahaja, namun dia tidak mahu memaksa aku. "Bear dah bagi meow sentuh dada dengan perut bear pon meow dah suka. Tak perlulah peluk-peluk nanti", katanya selepas itu. Ada kalanya aku suka gali lebih dalam pasal dia. Kalau berkesempatan, aku akan tanya terus padanya sewaktu berborak. Macam-macam juga maklumat yang aku terima seperti kesukaannya, namum yang aku lebih mahukan adalah mengenai minat seksualnya. Ada satu ketika dia bertanyakan padaku mengenai minat seksualku terhadap puting, aku suka buat apa pada puting itu dan sebagainya. Aku tidak menjawab pun pada mulanya, malah aku tuju kembali soalan itu padanya. "Eerrmm perlu ke meow bagitahu? Meow takut kalau meow melampaui batas je", balasnya dengan malu-malu kucing. Seperti biasa, aku memujuknya untuk bercerita sahaja. Pabila dia sudah tenang sedikit, barulah dia berani untuk meluahkannya. "Meow suka isap puting bear", jawabnya. "Maaf sangat-sangat bear. Kalau bear nak marah meow, marahlah. Meow terima". "Tak ada hal lah meow. Bear okay je. Meow tak perlu risau, okay". Alang-alang dah bercurahan hati macam ni, aku pun meluahkan mengenai minat seksualku, iaitu BDSM padanya. "Bear suka seksa meiw ke atau meow seksa bear?", tanyanya. Aku agak terperanjat juga yang dia celik pengetahuan mengenai BDSM itu. "Bear seksa meow lah, hehe. Tak ada lah, bear gurau je", gurauku. "Tak apa, bear. Bear bagi je apa yang meow nak, sekarang meow terima je apa yang bear nak buat pada meow. Bear bagitahu je yang macam mana BDSM yang bear nak". "Tak ada apa-apalah meow. Bear tak nak buat pun". Bersungguh-sungguh dia nak tahu seksaan macam mana yang aku suka, malah dia terima sahaja jika aku ingin buat padanya walaupun aku menolaknya. Akhirnya, aku pun berkongsilah yang aku suka seksaan sebat dan sepit puting. "Ganas bear ni. Nanti bear buat dekat meow tau", balasnya. "Tak payah lah meow, buat sakit badan je". "Tak bolehlah macam tu. Bear bagi je apa yang meow nak buat. Sekarang meow bagi je apa-apa yang bear suka buat dekat meow. Bear bukan nak seks dengan meow kan". "Kita pun tak tahu lagi bila nak jumpa. Nanti je lah kita fikirkan". "Sekurang-kurangnya meow tahu minat seksual bear. Nanti bila bear nak BDSM, bear jangan pakai baju tau, hihi", sempat lagi tu dia bergurau dengan aku. Walaupun aku teringin sangat nak menyeksa orang, tapi aku tak suka memaksa, apatah lagi dengan orang yang tidak sekepala dengan kita.

Semakin lama aku mengenalinya, semakin aku berasa seronok. Ya lah, aku ini seorang yang pendiam dan kurang bersosial. Jarang sangatlah aku berbual panjang dengan mereka, namun berlainan pula dengan si dia ini. Bahkan, setiap hari pasti kalau tidak aku, dia yang akan menyapa dahulu pada aku. Terasa tidak lengkap hariku tanpa berbual dengannya. Sepertinya, bunga cinta sudah mula berputik kembali di dalam hati aku setelah sekian lama layu. Belenggu-belenggu di hatiku sudah mulai rapuh menanti lerai menyembah bumi. Aku juga mula kerap bernakal-nakal kepadanya tanpa aku sedar. Namun, kenakalan ini hanya sebatas luaran tubuh sahaja. Dia juga sering kali berkata yang dia amat ingin memeluk pelukku, menggentel-gentel putingku, malah merebahkan kepalanya di pahaku. Aku yang berasa seronok membenarkan sahaja keinginannya itu. "Bear jangan tegang pula tau masa meow baring atas paha, nanti terkena pipi meow pula", katanya. "Bear okay je kalau tegang, meow kan suka", balasku. "Kalau macam tu, meow nak gentel-gentel sekali puting bear masa itu, biar batang bear tegang". "Eh, suka ya bear punya batang tegang". "Maaf bear, meow keterlaluan pula", katanya yang berasa bersalah. Sering kali dia memohon maaf kerana keterlaluan sikapnya, namun sering kali juga lah aku menidakkannya, kerana aku tidak terasa sebegitu.

"Kenapa bear layan je meow nak bermanja, nak peluk, nak baring sama-sama bear padahal bear tu kan normal? Bear siap nak cuba kena peluk semua", tanyanya kepadaku secara tiba-tiba tatkala kami rancak berbual, bergurau-senda. "Bear saja nak tahu pasal LGBT ni. Lagipun, kita kan dah bagai adik-beradik", jawabku padahal ingin sahaja aku kata yang aku sudah mulai rasa sayang padanya, lebih dari sayang seorang adik pada abangnya. "Tapi kenapa bear nak tahu sangat?". "Saja nak tahu, hihi". "Tak apa, sekurang-kurangnya bear tahu pasal benda tu". "Meow pula, kenapa meow minat pada bear?", tanyaku secara mengejut, terlintas dalam fikiranku tanpa sedar. Mungkin kerana sudah lama aku ingin tahu sebab utama disebalik mahunya padaku. "Pada asalnya, meow saja nak tambah kenalan FB, tu yang meow sengaja melihat-lihat setiap cadangan rakan sehinggalah meow terjumpa akaun bear. Meow mula-mula tertarik dengan perut dan dada tanpa melihat pun muka bear lagi. Terus, meow tekan butang "permintaan rakan" itu. Malah, bear pula terima permintaan itu, sejak dari itu meow mula rasa suka dekat bear. Apabila meow mulakan perbualan pertama, bear pula membalasnya, lagilah meow terasa seronok. Dengan bear yang baik dan bersifat terbuka, terdetik rasa cinta dekat bear. Tapi, bila dapat tahu yang bear ni normal, meow pon okay je janji dapat rapat dengan bear. Meow nak berkawan, tak nak seks", terangnya dengan panjang lebar. "Kalaulah bear ntiba-tiba nak berpasangan dengan meow, apa meow akan buat?", tanyaku lagi yang ingin mendapatkan kepastian. "Kalau kita saling berpasangan pun meow tak nak seks. Itu bukan keutamaan meow sekarang. Meow nak rasa adanya kekasih yang sayang dan jaga meow, yang selalu dengar masalah meow, yang saling ambil berat dan bermanja-manja dengan meow. Itu je", jawabnya lagi. Barulah aku tahu sebab disebalik kenakalannya yang hanya sebatas luaran tubuh saja tanpa kaitkan dengan seks, tidak seperti penyuka sesama sejenis yang lain. "Pertama kali aku jumpa orang macam ni dalam dunia pelangi ini", bisikku di dalam hati. Membaca penjelasannya itu menambahkan lagi rasa cinta aku terhadapnya, sehingga aku terlupa kisah-kisah cinta silamku dahulu. Kehadiran dirinya bagaikan penyembuh luka-luka sudah lama menapak di sanubariku.

M.N.A_97

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ENGLISH

For months we chatted with each other on the Facebook chat room. Jokes, current news and many more are the topics of conversation that we share together. It felt like we were closer than when we first met. In fact, the conversation is also getting more and more mischievous. "Thank you, my Bear 😍", he replied who also started calling me with the spoiled title "Bear". I'm okay with that call, as it suits my rather large body. "Morning, Bear. What are you doing?", he said this morning. "Morning, just lying down", I replied. "I want to lie down too, lol". "I'm almost lying here". "Okay, I want to lie next to the bear 😂😂😂". "Be careful, you'll have to deal with naughty bear later, haha". "Wow Bear, so naughty, hahaha". That is us when chatting. Talking about naughty things, it's a must in our conversation. Sometimes he is naughty, some ask to lie on my thighs, some also want to rub my rather beer belly. "Bear don't worry, Meow won't touch the bottom", he even joked in his mischievousness. I'm not worried either. I already knew he was like that. He also started calling himself "Meow". His behavior is clearly spoiled. It seems, I also enjoy serving the naughty even if it's just online.

There was one day, when he was being naughty with me, it crossed my mind to ask him. "Sorry, can bear asking Meow?". "Yeah, sure", he replied. "Is Meow gay?". "Meow bisexual, sorry bear. Is Bear normal?". "Yes, Meow, I am normal", I answered hesitantly even though I knew I was like him too. Many times he apologized for his attitude towards me. He was worried that I wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore when I found out about his sexuality. I calmed him down so he didn't have to worry about it because I was okay with it. He also expressed his interest in my stomach, he even wanted to hug me. I told him that he could do it, but he didn't want to force me. "Bear has already given Meow to touch your chest with Bear's stomach, Meow already likes it. There is no need to hug later", he said afterwards. Sometimes I like to dig deeper about him. If I have the chance, I will ask him directly during the chat. I received a lot of information about his likes, but what I wanted more was about his sexual interests. There was one time when he asked me about my sexual interest in nipples, what I like to do with them and so on. I didn't even answer at first, instead I turned the question back to him. "Errmm do Meowu need to tell you? Meow is afraid that Meow will go too far", replied him shyly. As usual, I persuaded him to just tell the story. When he calmed down a little, then he dared to express it. "Meow likes to suck the Bear's nipple", he answered. "I'm very, very sorry Bear. If Bear wants to be angry at Meow, Meow will accept". "It's okay, meow. Bear is okay. Meow, don't worry, okay". After that, I also expressed my sexual interest, which is BDSM, to him. "Does a Bear like to torture Meow or otherwise?", he asked. I'm also quite surprised that he knows about BDSM. "I am gonna torture, Meow, hehe. Bear just joking", I joked. "It's okay, Bear. Bear always give me what Meow want, now meow just accept what you want to do to Meow. Bear tell me what kind of BDSM torture you want". "It's nothing, Meow. Bear doesn't want to do anything". He really wants to know what kind of torture I like, in fact he only accepts if I want to do it to him even if I reject it. Finally, I shared that I like whipping and pinching nipples. "Bear is vicious. Bear can do it on Meow later, okay", he replied. "No, never. It gonna so much pain on Meow". "It can't be like that. Bear gave me what Meow wants to do on Bear. Now let me receive whatever Bear likes to do at Meow. Bear doesn't want to have sex with Meow, right". "We don't even know when we want to meet. We'll think about it later". "At least Meow knows the Bear's sexual interest. Later, when the Bear wants BDSM, Bear must be naked, okay, lol", he joked with me. Although I really want to torture people, but I don't like to force, let alone with people who are not the same as me.

The longer I get to know him, the more I enjoy it. Yes, I am a quiet and less social person. It's very rare that I have a long conversation with them, but it's different with this one. In fact, every day for sure if not me, he will greet me first. It feels like my day is incomplete without chatting with him. It seems that the flower of love has started to bloom again in my heart after withering for so long. The shackles in my heart have begun to break and fall the earth. I also started to be naughty to him without realizing it. However, this delinquency is only limited to the outside of the body. He also often said that he really wanted to hug me, caress my nipples, and even lay his head on my thigh. I am happy to just allow his wish. "Bear don't be tense, it will hit Meow's cheek", he said. "It's okay if Bear tense up, you like it, sont you", I replied. "If that's the case, Meow want to play with the Bear's nipples at that time, let the Bear's cock be tensed up". "Wow, Meow love it when Bear's cock tensed up". "Sorry Bear, Meow overdonw it again", he said with feeling guilty. Many times he apologizes for his over attitude, but many times I just let him be, because I don't feel that way.

"Why does the Bear treat meow like this, let me hug, to lie down with the Bear when the Bear is normal? Bear even try to hug Meow", he asked me suddenly when we were chatting and joking. "Bear just wants to know about this LGBT thing. After all, we're like brothers", I replied even though I just wanted to say that I've started to love him, more than a brotherhood. "But why does the Bear want to know so much?". "Just want to know, lol". "It's okay, at least bear knows about that thing". "Meow, why is Meow interested in Bear?", I asked suddenly as it crossed my mind without realizing it. Maybe because I've been wanting to know the main reason behind wanting me for a long time. "Actually, Meow just wanted more my FB contact, Meow deliberately looked at every friend's suggestion until Meow came across Bear's account. Meow was first attracted to the stomach and chest without even seeing Bear's face. Then, Meow pressed the "friend request" button. In fact, Bear accepted the request, from then on Meow started to like the Bear. When Meow started the first conversation, the Bear responded, and Meow felt happy. Meow felt love into Bear. But, after Meow found out that Bear is normal, meow is okay aslong as Meow can get close to Bear. Meow wants to be friends, not sex", he explained. "If Bear want to couple with Meow all the sudden, what would Meow do?", I asked again wanting to be sure. "Even if we're a couple, Meow doesn't want sex. That's not Meow's priority right now. Meow wants to feel like there's a lover who loves and cares for Meow, who always listens to Meow's problems, who cares for each other and spoils Meow. That's all", he answered. again. Only then did I know the reason behind his mischief which was only limited to the outside of the body and not related to sex, unlike other same-sex lovers. "It's the first time I've met someone like this in this rainbow world", I whispered in my heart. Reading his explanation increased my love for him even more, so that I forgot my past love stories. His presence is like a healer of wounds that has been in my veins for a long time.

M.N.A_97